Andy Marin made a series of eleven videos at Chicago's 2009 Gay Pride Parade.  I have just watched the first two so far, but I'm planning to go through them one by one and reflect on the messages of the parade-goers and what they have to say to the church about loving members of the LGBT community. 

Video 1:  Intro to Chicago Gay Pride 2009  (This is a link to Andy's blog.  You can actually just watch all of the videos from his blog if you'd like.  The rest of my links are to Andy's Youtube postings.)

Video 2:  Interview with Parents of Transgender Children

Video 3:  Interview with Gay Man at Pride 

Video 4:  Interview with a Mom and her Son

Video 5:  Interview with a Transgender Woman

Video 6:  Andrew Marin Shows off Boystown, Chicago 

Video 7: Interview with a Straight Seminary Student

Start with the first video to get a sense of what Andy is trying to do to build bridges between the church and the LGBT community.

I'll add the remaining four videos as Andy posts them.

Peace,

Jeff

My post today is part of a project of New Direction Ministries which I wrote about in my May 30 post.  The purpose of the project is to have bloggers post on June 24 - the Wednesday of Gay Pride week - on what they are doing in their own lives to build bridges between the evangelical Christian community and the LGBT community.  The bloggers participating in this project are all listed on the righthand side of New Direction Ministry's blog at

http://btgproject.blogspot.com/

 

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Hi. My name is Jeff.  I have dealt with homosexuality in my life at least since my teenage years, probably even back into my grade school days with certain memories of admiring boys that are etched into my brain.  I have now been married for over 16 years and have two children.  I am an evangelical Christian who supports civil unions from a societal standpoint  for same sex partners, which puts me at odds with most everyone in my church who are quick to voice opposition to same sex marriage.

My journey, which is still in the early stage, towards becoming a bridge-builder between the evandelical and LGBT communities, might have begun when I was “saved” at the age of  19 and asked Jesus Christ into my life.  I had my first homosexual experience when I was 20 with a friend at a summer job.  I came out cautiously as a gay man to a couple college friends for a brief period of a few weeks that following year during the spring trimester of my junior year in college.  I retreated back into the closet that following summer and struggled with my faith and my sexual identity for the next three years.  When I was 24 I began recovery from alcoholism.  Still struggling to understand my sexual identity, I sometimes attended gay and bisexual Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.  But I also started to attend an evangelical church at that same time and got baptized, and gradually I became convinced that everything related to homosexuality was a sin and began the process of disassociating myself completely from two guys I had been sexually intimate with, both friends that I became emotionally dependent on and cared for deeply, even while being very conflicted with my faith.  

Over the course of time I became aware of Exodus International and the idea that I could become heterosexual in my orientation and even consider getting married and having children.  I attended a support group in Chicago for a couple of years, and I sought the help of a Christian counselor who practiced what would be considered “reparative therapy”.  I reached a point where I became confident enough to date a Christian woman I had become fond of, while still uncertain of how successful I could be in marriage, sexually speaking.  I had shared my story with her while we were still friends, both about my recovery from alcoholism and my struggle with same sex attraction (SSA).   I think when we got married that I was convinced that the SSA was completely behind me, and my wife expected the same to be true.  However, that has proven to not be exactly the case,  although we have had a fulfilling sexual relationship throughout our marriage, even with a few uncertain points and dry periods along the way.  I have been faithful to her physically, although I have had some bouts of addiction to porn, nothing I am proud of and something which I am currently free from thankfully.  I have also maintained my sobriety from alcohol for the past 26 years and am active as a leader with our church’s Celebrate Recovery program.

Another step in my journey of becoming a bridge-builder began when my sister came out as lesbian about 15 years ago.  I have not yet shared my own story with her about struggling with homosexuality, but for a period of several years we became estranged after telling her that she could be changed and after setting out “rules” or “boundaries” for times when she would be around our family.  I told her about Exodus and the “ex-gay” support group in Chicago, for which she harshly criticized me for even suggesting that her sexual orientation was something that could be changed.  It took years before we were able to again begin visiting with my sister, first cautiously, then more comfortably, and now, thankfully, through much work and prayer, even to the point where we have much fun together.  She has been dating a woman for a couple of years, who we have included in several get-togethers, both at my sister’s home and ours.  We don’t celebrate the fact that she is a lesbian, but we have learned to accept it and to love her as my sister and as my children’s aunt.  It took some hard lessons to get here, and those lessons have given me a foundation of learning to “build bridges” with other  gay friends and neighbors.

One book stands out strongly in my journey of learning to build bridges: Andrew Marin’s “Love Is an Orientation: Elevating the Conversation with the Gay Community”.  Andy’s book is drawing me way out of my comfort zone and revolutionizing my idea of what it means to be a Christian.  I am still considering specific steps to be taken, but already I have begun dialogues with a couple friends who identify themselves as “gay Christians” where I would previously have written them off as either “backslidden” or never truly Christian to begin with.  I have given my copy of Marin’s book to one of my pastors who is now reading it, with hopes of initiating a discussion group at our church focused on the book and how to respond to LGBT family members and friends. 

I am also learning to support two different friends who have decided to come out to their families as gay men in the face of opposition.  This is a new role for me as a Christian, where I am constantly asking what would Jesus do.  Some have counseled me to just leave them to follow their chosen path and no longer consider them Christian brothers, but I am called to be a friend even when I may not believe the same as they do, and I am called to support them as a friend in the face of opposition from others in their lives who are walking away from them because of their chosen path. 

At this point in my life I thought I would be settled with my faith and my beliefs and instead I find myself working through the very basics of what is means to be a Christian and how to live that out in a society that is increasingly accepting of homosexuality.  It would be easy to just voice support for “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” and the “Defense of Marriage Act” and retreat to the sanctuary of my church where it is comfortable to just say “Love the sinner, hate the sin”.  But that paradigm doesn’t work anymore, and if we want to show the love of Christ to the LGBT community, including family and friends of many sitting in our pews, we have to get out of that safe comfort zone and stretch ourselves to think in new and different ways than we ever have before, and to reach out boldly even when others may shun us for whom we choose to associate with. 

May Christ continue to help me become a better bridge-builder.  I am still learning.  Come along on the journey.  If it is something new to you as a Christian, start by reading Andrew Marin’s book “Love Is an Orientation” and then thinking of specific steps you can take in your own circle of influence.

Peace in Christ.

Jeff 

So I relapsed for a moment in dealing with my narcissistic brother as I posted about yesterday.  I talked it out at my Celebrate Recovery meeting last night and I got a great response from my Xanga friend Lonnie.  (It would be nice to have a little Lonnie in my head telling me how to respond when dealing with a narcissist.)

Don't let him get you angry.   His comment to you was to exercise control over you.   When you responded as you did you gave him the control he wanted.   The person who received the gift is the one who needs to know where it came from.   The way to deal with a control freak is to take away all control.   When he responds, have a good laugh, and delete it.  

And yes keep praying for him, but please pray carefully.   Pray only what you would pray for yourself or your own wife and children.   There is a tendency to pray "God get'em" prayers for evil people, who've wounded us.   The only effective prayer for this kind of person is "God show them your love and mercy" kind of prayers.  

God make His face shine upon you, and peace be with you,

Lonnie 

My plan is to no longer respond to him in any way because of the past behavior he's shown toward me and my family.  I went along with the joint gift idea this one time because it was something my sister wanted to do for my dad and it was on the expensive side, but I think it will be the only time I do this.  Any involvement with my brother is unhealthy for me, just like a first drink would be.

Lord, help me to maintain my boundaries, even when I want to yell at him or tell him off.  And change him in your timing.

[Edit:  Read Lonnie's follow-up comments to this post below.]

Peace,

Jeff

Our church had a service on Mother's Day that included about fifteen women sharing a "cardboard testimony" while a duet was performed in the background.  It was an incredibly moving event that left me in tears and has stayed on my mind ever since.  A quick search on the Internet will bring up several links that have been posted from other churches that have held such events as part of a service, and each one brings more warm tears of joy for God's transforming power.

I could probably create several short testimonies that would speak of God's work in my own life, particularly recovery from alcoholism and now serving as a leader in our Celebrate Recovery program.  I'm not sure which victory I would choose to proclaim if asked to be part of such a service at our church.  The one I would like to share, at least in our Celebrate Recovery group, would read along the lines of this, although my wife is more private about this and would most likely not want me to share this publically in our church:

Front side:  "I struggled with Same Sex Attraction"

Reverse side:  "I am a new creation in Christ and blessed to be married with two children"

Here's one video of cardboard testimonies that I found on Youtube:

 

What would your cardboard testimony, and would you have the guts to share it at your church?   

Peace in Christ,

Jeff

I presented the following teaching last night at our Celebrate Recovery meeting, much of which comes from the CR study guide that our lessons are based on.  I included a couple extemporaneous personal stories as examples that are not included here.

Tonight’s teaching is on the topic of forgiveness.  Principle 6 reads:  “Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others.”  Step 8 reads:  “We made a list of all person we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.”  And Step 9 reads “We made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.”

Our lesson tonight looks at three kinds of forgiveness.  To be completely free from resentments, anger, fear, shame and guilt, you need to give and accept forgiveness in all areas of our lives.  If you do not, your recovery will be stalled and thus incomplete.

Our pastor Jerry spoke on this same topic on Sunday, so that’s a very hard act to follow, and I won’t even pretend to bring the wisdom that he brought to the topic.  But I am going to start by sharing the passage that he spoke on, Psalm 32 and his closing 4-point challenge to the congregation.  These same principles apply to us here in Celebrate Recovery.  It makes it sound easy, with just four simple steps.  We know they’re not always easy, but the blessings from giving and receiving forgivesness can be great and can be key to our recovery and serenity.

·         Confess your sin

·         Commit your ways to God

·         Connect with God’s forgiveness

·         Connect with others in forgiveness

As I read this passage from Psalms, take it to heart and put yourself in the shoes of David who struggled with sin himself and experienced the Lord’s forgiveness in great ways.

Psalm 32:  1 Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. 2 Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit. 3 When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. 4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. 5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the Lord"-- and you forgave the guilt of my sin. 6 Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found; surely when the mighty waters rise, they will not reach him.

7 You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. 8 I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you. 9 Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you. 10 Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord's unfailing love surrounds the man who trusts in him. 11 Rejoice in the Lord and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!

Our pastor also made reference to the verse from Romans 12 where the Lord says “vengeance is mine”.  Let me read this passage to your from Romans 12: 17-21 as we reflect on how we can respond to those who have wronged us. 

“Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Forgiveness can be one of the toughest spiritual disciplines to learn and practice.  Our natural instinct is to hold a grudge if someone has hurt us in some way, or to want someone to apologize to us, or to not offer our forgiveness to someone who has wronged is in some way.  It is a spiritual practice that sometimes takes work and proactively seeking out a person to make things right.  Sometimes we talk ourselves into just letting something go rather than having to deal with it, but often that approach will just let the wound fester, or let the other person’s resentment toward us continue.

So tonight we look at three questions about forgiveness. 

1.        Have you accepted God’s forgiveness?

Have you really accepted Jesus’ work on the cross in your life?  By his death on the cross, ALL of your sins were cancelled.  I just read where someone was asked when they were saved.  Normally we state the date or the age when we asked Jesus into our heart.  But this person responded, in 33 A.D., when Jesus was nailed to the cross.  That is really when we were saved and our sins were forgive, even before we were born or before we committed each sin. 

John 19:30:  “It is finished.”

Romans 3:22-25: “This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference,  for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,  and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.  God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished—“ 

2.       Have you forgiven others who have hurt you?

You  must let go of the pain of the past harm and abuse caused by others.  Until you are ready to release it and forgive it, it will continue to hold you prisoner.

Romans 12:17-18: “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.  If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. “

1 Peter 5:10:  “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”

Note for abuse victims of any kind:  (Read passage from pages 46-47 from book.)

3.       Have you forgiven yourself?

You may feel that the guilt and the shame of your past is too much to forgive.  This is what God wants you to do with the darkness of your past:

Isaiah 1:18-19: "Come now, let us reason together," says the Lord. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.  If you are willing and obedient, you will eat the best from the land;”

 Romans 8:1: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Peace,

Jeff