Thanks for the comments, everyone, on my previous post about Alan Chamber's participation and comments made at the GCN conference last week in Orlando. Feel free to go back to that post and review the comments.
Wendy Gritter of New Direction Ministries of Canada also participated on the same panel with Chambers and has posted her extensive reflections here. I greatly appreciate Wendy and all that she is about. She has made me grapple with a lot in the time that I've been reading her blog, especially being in a marriage that fits into the category of "mixed orientation" as she discusses later in this post, and also facilitating a private Facebook group for a sizeable number of men that have attended Exodus conferences and support groups and others who have not but who seek to pursue lives congruent with their belief that same-sex relationships are not biblical. She has helped shape my own life and personal ministry and perspectives in many ways.
Exodus International has long said that "change is possible". But that message seems to be evolving, especially with Alan Chambers' (president of Exodus) recent discussion at the Gay Christian Network conference in Orlando last week, as reported by Warren Throckmorton in his blog:
The key statement by Chambers that is being reported by many is this:
"The majority of people that I have met, and I would say the majority meaning 99.9% of them have not experienced a change in their orientation or have gotten to a place where they could say that they could never be tempted or are not tempted in some way or experience some level of same-sex attraction. I think there is a gender issue there, there are some women who have challenged me and said that my orientation or my attractions have changed completely. Those have been few and far between. The vast majority of people that I know will experience some level of same-sex attraction."
It will be interesting to watch what transpires with Exodus and its donors after this statement becomes more widely known. Is it possible that Exodus itself will change? I continue to pray for the Exodus organization and the message it conveys, hoping that this more forthright approach will take it in new directions.
I'm on vacation all week, since the Thursday afternoon before Christmas. I don't go back until Tuesday. I've been lazy. I'm enjoying the freedom from responsibility, from work, from church, from life. Just lazy time with the family. I love my job, but I like being free of everything. I love my church, but I like not being involved in some of the discussions or the youth pastor search or the elder discussions. I like being able to watch the Three Stooges in the middle of the afternoon or playing Mario Kart with my kids last night or going for a walk with my wife at ten in the morning. I don't want this vacation to end.
I haven't posted anything about my narcissistic brother in a long time.He is pretty much out of my life by his choice.But I am grateful for what I learned about narcissism and verbal abuse from him since it applied directly to an incident at work yesterday.Here is what I posted on Facebook (to which no one from my everyday life or work life has access):
Nothing like having a manager blow up at you unexpectedly in front of your co-workers. Not cool. He's definitely lost my respect unless he apologozes. Bad thing is he has a history of this with other people in the company and it has been tolerated. I held my tongue but it was hard. Next time I see him do it to someone else I plan to speak up in their defense, but that will probably trigger him blowing up at me again. Guess I'll pray for him in the meantime.
and a follow-up comment:
Thanks for the support, guys. Fortunately this manager is not my boss, and I let my boss know about the incident first in case anything trickles to him (he's in Europe this week) as office talk sometimes happens. What I hate is not looking forward to going in to work today to have to be around this guy (he's in another section nearby my office) because I love my job. I think he thrives on people taking him on in argument, but he's not going o get that from me. At least I've learned how to respond or not respond to a narcissist after experience with my brother.
We'll see what today holds.But I hope he figures out he's messed with the wrong guy.I'm not his punching bag.(And yeah, I'm praying for him.)
I have listened to this song probably hundreds of times over the past twelve years after first hearing it at a Willow Creek conference. It is sung by Greg Ferguson and is on the CD "Leave a Light On". It is a man's cry for God's mercy after falling into sin again. I respond to this song deep in my spirit.
Here's a description of the song I found off the Internet: "A tender song of a man confronting his sin. "I am the man," he says, who has wounded God, who has caused Him to cry. Yet, through the man's guilt, grace grips him. Because God's mercy extends to the sky, he can ask for forgiveness one more time. We all feel at times that we've stretched God's love to the limit and that he would no longer love us if we took just one more step in rebellion. This songs comforts us, acknowledging the guilt of sin while proclaiming the mercy of God."
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton presented this message on advancing human rights for LGBT people to the United Nations in Geneva on December 6 in recognition of International Human Rights Day. One of her key statements in my opinion is "All people deserve to be treated with dignity and have their human rights respected, no matter who they are or whom they love."
Read her full speech here, and read President Obama's memorandum here.
It takes America a while to get there sometimes, but eventually we get it right.
I needed something. Something has been missing in me, leaving me feeling flat, even disinterested, questioning, spiritually lethargic. If you've followed my recent posts I shared about even reaching a point of complacency that led me back to areas of sin, a habit that's been hard to completely break, and the sin of pride that kept me from confessing or asking for help. I took steps, and have been feeling better, more consistent in my spiritual walk, but still missing a spark. I don't listen to Christian music much, but for some reason a couple songs came back to mind and I went searching for the tape (yeah, a cassette tape) that I had purchased twelve years ago at Willow Creek Church when I attended the Leadership Summit there. A guy named Greg Ferguson was part of the worship team that year, and I found a tape for sale in the bookstore and soon got stuck on three songs in particular: "I Am the Man" and "I Stand I Fall" which are both songs that bring me to a point of repentance and confession, and then comes the joyful song in this video - "What a Day It Will Be" - that sends my heart and mind soaring. I had filed this song away for many years, almost forgetting about it, and then it came back to mind when I needed a lift, and now it's on auto-play in my car, and I found myself walking around work yesterday singing and humming it under my breath, with lots of "Hallelujahs" followed by "Oh, what a day it will be". I wish I could sing like this guy, but vicariously I do. This song has lifted me back up and reminds of hope and love and grace, which I want to share with everyone I care for, the same as the Lord fills me and reminds me from time to time. It's not a continual thing for me; I have to work at it sometimes. Going back and finding this song has been part of that work for me this week when I was feelling especially burdened with a work issue (which I finally resolved yesterday!)
(Listen to the whole song with its ebbs and flows and crescendos to get the full effect.)
Here's an Amazon link to the CD titled "Leave a Light On". (Sorry, I guess the cassette tape version is no longer available.)
I try not to be a stalker on Facebook, but occasionally someone will come to mind that I've fallen out of touch with and I'll click on their profile to see how they're doing. I did so yesterday after seeing a Facebook friend's name pop up in my newsfeed with a comment on another friend's picture. So I clicked on his profile and first noticed that he was now "in a relationship" but no name given. I checked my messages to him and realized I hadn't communicated with him directly in just over a year, although we had both posted comments on another friend's wall in the same thread a time or two. "In a relationship" could mean two things for a "struggler" - either he's dating a guy or a girl. Then I clicked on his photo albums and my suspicion was confirmed with several pics of him and another guy. I decided to message him and apologized for being out of touch, and when I acknowledged that I saw he was in a relationship, all I got was a one-line response that he started dating him in July. I did expect more since we had communicated regularly for a good while, but no response so far to a follow-up message. I probably surprised him by messaging him, and he's probably hesitant about what my response will be. I'll give him some space and time. I take it as a positive sign that he didn't "unfriend" me immediately.
I guess it frustrated me a bit since this friend has attended at least one Exodus conference and a local ministry group and is connected with some strong mature Christians who themselves have "struggled with homosexuality". I question if I could have done more, but if the guys close to him haven't influenced him enough, then I don't think my words would have made a difference if I'd continued corresponding. But I'm feeling guilty for having fallen out of touch. That's when I sometimes wish I could be in full-time ministry. I have communicated with a lot of guys over the past five years who deal with homosexuality, and though I have several guys who I try to keep in regular touch with, there are so many more that I would love to have more time for. This guy in particular I always enjoyed communicating with, and it came as a surprise to find out yesterday that he was in a relationship with a guy.
I am human and feel a bit jealous of him, but moreso I am thinking of all the guys I know who deal with homosexuality and how some make the decision to stay celibate out of obedience to God, a few think about dating girls after a period of time, and others ultimately decide to date guys and hope for a long-term relationship to develop. What is the key factor when one guy decides to turn his back on the understanding that same-sex relationships are outside of God's will and another guy continues holding on to that conviction and living his life accordingly? Just a rhetorical question probably, but one I am left pondering this morning after my friend is now "in a relationship" and I need to decide again how to continue on with a connection I have, especially after my own recent posts on admonishment.
I have been asked by a couple guys what it means to be admonished and how it played out for me in regard to my previous post. I was having trouble posting my response as a comment, so I just decided to put up a new post about being admonished.
"In a nutshell, he called me out on my sin, reminding me of how selfish sin can impact my wife and kids, of being too prideful to admit when I needed support and encouragement myself when dealing with temptation, instead turning to selfish habits. He admonished me for not using my time more productively and for not trusting others when I needed support myself. It came after we had been communicating a lot the past few weeks, so I felt and he felt that he had enough role to play in calling me out on my sin and encouraging me to stop, and to deal with issues that led me back to sinful habits."
I just did a Bible word search on "admonish" and depending on the translation that is used, a few or a lot of entries come up. Here are a couple from the NIV: I Cor. 3:16: "as you teach and admonish one another" and I Thess. 5:12: "respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you."
I just added this as a comment to my post in our private Facebook Accountability Brothers group and also added the following:
I thought this might be good for some discussion, the subject of being admonished. Have you had an experience of being admonished that you'd be willing to share, and how was that played out? I find it relevant for me, since I could not really recall an instance of being admonished biblically by someone until this occurred.
I'll be interested what other guys (or any of you) might have to share on the subject.
I am a work in progress, still attracted to men but faithfully devoted to my wonderful wife and two kids. I have also been a recovering alcoholic since I was 24. "He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil 1:6
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